Strength and exhaustion 

My first week back at work was only a four day work week. I made it through 2.5 days of that work week. 

I know that part of the exhaustion is from not getting enough protein yet. It’s also probably from not taking my amitryptiline. The medicine that puts my brain into REM sleep. Without it, I rest and sleep but it’s never restorative.

Why am I not taking my meds? That’s because each time I crush them up and attempt to swallow, I gag and spit them back up. Eventually soon I’ll be able to just swallow pills again but I’m stuck in this weird area. 

So it leaves me exhausted. 

I’ve always been one to push myself. To try and heal quickly or get back to a routine. I rested for 6 weeks back in March. I really don’t want to have to rest an entire month again.

I’ve signed up for some 5k’s and joined a running group. I know the first night will be a lot of walking. So will the second week. At the third week I’ll still miss the gathering but I’ll be able to run. 

I planned a perfect storm. Show. Surgery. School. Work. It’s all a little rocky, along with some of my friendships. I just need it all to settle down. Fall in place and create a routine.

I’ve got a lot weighing on me that I haven’t figured how to navigate. I guess while I try to do that it isn’t weakness to take a little nap. 


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